I'd like to preface this by saying this isn't related to troons or faggotry and is rather me asking for advice as im slowly trying to be rid of a mental issue I've had for a long time.
Im a man but I don't 100% understand how to be one entirely, I grew up without a father figure and I was mentally ill and deeply isolated in my tween/teen years and was suicidal. I've always been very sensitive cuz of autism and very physically weak and small my whole life, I was really insecure about this in high school and I was already depressed so I found myself latching onto media like deltarune and sanrio stuff and a variety of cute themed furry webcomics because I saw myself in/related to "soft" male characters like ralsei or Yonkagor's characters, I never really saw myself in or related to normal masculine men due to the circumstances of my childhood.
Originally I just did fantasies of getting away from reality like waking up as Ralsei and wandering his big fun castle and going on adventures, however it turned over time from just coping with my insecurities to actively seriously wanting to be the characters so I could be cute and "pretty" like them and not have any hardships or expectations, and because I was not well in the head the fantasy reached a point where I got the idea of offing myself to escape the real world and then going to a afterlife where I basically become one of those characters so I could BE an cute fluffy cartoon character forever.
While I have made alot of progress in subduing this it warped my perception of self where whenever I think or picture myself doing something even typing things out or reading things I don't hear my actual voice but just naturally hear some squeaky cartoon character voice in my head when I think or read something, because my brain just got used to picturing myself as that.
Whats should I do about this? I really envy normal guys who grow up and do normal lives without ever having these weird fantasies because I mostly don't know what to do about the fact my brain wants me to off myself so I can be whisked off to furry fantasyland as discount ralsei forever but I'd like to hear from you guys what I should do about it.
Is weird becuz I can hold it off for a solid week and then something like a dream or a song or I see a piece of art and im back to my weird suicidal furry headspace
>>404474 No if you recognize the post its because I've gone to other imageboards with this exact issue since this shit is too embarrassing to share with anyone beyond total strangers
I swear only fake poster cities like this have people that have accents like this i swear the average person in small town queensland has like 0 string discerbable if they arentabo
>>404469(OP) My whole life ans childhood i thougbt about having kids i but i have a non functioning uterus and it never really set in eith me till i was 18 and then i try to beckmr male trap pedo and ruin my life but now im orthdox and i m a pedo
>>404469(OP) Yeah, being cute and soft isn't really kosher , and if you try to be you'll be marked as a weirdo/faggot, which is a shame. Idk if there's any fix for society being like that
>this isnt releated to troon or faggotry this is literally how you get men who are 6ft+ tall thinking their girls as long as you arent trooning out or it hampering your daily life you could double down and just do this in VR chat or something or try the AC route and just do a bunch of shrooms and hope it sorts itself out
>>404501 I've been going through the motions of trying to kill off this part of me, I thought I was doing well but I had a dream where I woke up older with chest hair and a more masculine build and I felt a very deep depressing sense of loss and grief during it. Loss of youth for some reason really terrifies me and each passing year I keep getting the urge to just kill myself so I don't ever have to be old and ugly.
I've been able to deal with the retarded very randy stair esque issue of wanting to become ralsei or whatever but my fear of getting old keeps resetting me back to my starting position whenever I think im making progress.
>>404618 I am straight actually just in a really weird way, I was kind of conditioned to see normal masculine men as gross and ugly so I wound up developing the notion a normal relationship is one where the boy and the girl are both pretty and feminine and lovey dovey with eachother.
>>404625 Wr all bara men wwho get naked and lay in bed together we are all very hair you xan leave we dont need a nother delattatroon poster especially ralsie
>>404656 I often feel like that one comedian skit where he says when God made him he meant to make a gay man but forgot to flip the switch at the end of the making process so he wound up being straight anyway.
>>404667 You spiritual she male. I don't think watching Steven universe or not having a father and jerking off to Undertale made you a bitch, it's your own unwillingness to put in the effort to change. Deep down you understand this truth fully but you're trying to pin it on external factors like ur thyroid glands and missing dad. If you truly consider killing yourself and letting go of everything then do it already, it would be the manliest thing you've done all your life. It's that or become insanely obsessive about attaining a new self which will eventually bare results guaranteed. Now go brap elsewhere, faggot.
>>404687 Tjru give wrong or differing defintions thing so im saying hou reslly smash in her face like that old bitcj and the chimp and then you like super cim all over it
>>404469(OP) it sounds to me, due being weak and scared your entire life and never having a father figure around to at least provide you with a basic blueprint on how to protect yourself emotionally from the world, you use escapism is a coping mechanism. you imagine yourself in those cutesy scenarios because you are frightened by the world and was safety and protection. though since you think you're not capable of obtaining it in the real world, you retreat into daydreams to at least establish some control over your reality.
is it joke that you repeat the exact thing he said with no ocmmentary like a therapist or is i t supposed tobe funyn cuzx its like a shitty ai summarry response
>>405040 >like a therapist that is about 80% of what I learnt while do I was doing my bachelors, just repeat what they said back to them, but shorter, smarter and in a condescending tone. the rest of my studies where on child development and sexuality.
>>405052 that was in my readings, twice and that was a kiwi how did that. we got science mogged. I was all ways more interested in what happens if you lock 2 toddlers alone in a room for their whole life. do they develop their own culture, language and social norms?
>>405510 You can be a totally wicked wretched despicable gay faggot eithout necessarily bring a literal homosexual unfortunately you likrly are a homosexual so you fail even the first check
Im refrencing the sorpanos trial for tony ubcle not the dumb nigger who did guilty because hes just an anti woman jungle bjnny not because any based right wing belief
>>405066 actually, yonkers is a user passing by. not a random anon looking for sympathy over slop they can ignore or fix their own selves by shutting up.
additionally, that name has been long dead. no one names their selves after a fucking city in new york
>>404469(OP) Bitch instead of believing you wanna be that character (no you're not a cub sorry pal, you're expired)... why not fucking be yourself, DON'T make larp threads of Ralsei, and... maybe, MAYBE try to uh,, write the fuckin thing yourself.
And if you're nervous abiout him just so you know - he's not a minor. He won't fucking kill you for jerking off to him. Like, this sounds like whatever the fuck you can easily resolve my dude. Otheriwse. I know you're larping. Stop worrying about if a character can cause mental damage - it cannot. If you let it intervene (which is UNLIKELY) then... what can I say to you. Really.
Have you played understald?
And - I'd like to question the most one.... WHO the fuck is Yonkagor. WHO.
>>404676 Why do you want people dead. Leave OP alone. They could be a good buddyretard instead of venturing into the most undoable thing on earth. I'm not sure what they need to change, but this person (op) is not a paraphile >>404915 smash >>405532 based, smash
