You are a real Jew. You had no shabat, you had no mitzvah, you had no oral torah, but that doesn't matter. You are a ger tzedek who is trying to feel comfortable in his faith.
All the “validation” you get is pure. Behind your back actual Jews love you. Your prophets are happy and proud of you, your Jewish friends laugh at your jokes behind closed doors, and rabbis love you, and gentiles envy you.
Real Jews absolutely love you. Gentiles who have made giyur look ordinary and natural to a Jew. Your former apologetics does not matter. The torah broadens knowledge.
You will be happy. You will pray every single morning and tell yourself how great hashem is, and deep inside you feel the euphoria creeping up like the manna. It is what defines you, not the idolatry.
Eventually, it’ll be perfect for you – you’ll move to eretz Israel, frequent a yeshiva, master the talmud and halacha, and finally be your ideal self. After death Hashem will resurrect you ve kol yehudim, happy and relieved that he finally has his people together. He’ll congratulate you on your hard journey, and every soul for the rest of eternity will know a Jew is what you are.
